The Next Big Leap.

1st married pictureThree weeks and countless hours later, we just closed the door of our vacant house. It looks entirely different from the condo we moved into 6 years ago. Every corner has been updated and personalized, pondered over, and redesigned. I’m going to try not to sound overdramatic when I say I feel like i’m going through a bit of a grieving process right now. That house is still my home, and loading up the final car load was a bit revealing to the emotions I’d been making effort to ignore.

This is a big step. Planning a trip like this is a great escape from the regular grind. But, the daydream is much easier to appreciate. I’ve let my mind wander to fantastic places while sitting in my cubicle, while on a run, biking home, or standing in line at the market. But the impact of actually going through with the dream is much more alienating than I first anticipated. We are taking risky steps that no one else in our circle is experiencing. The steps are strange and unknown right now, and those steps are removing me from the comforts i’ve built my life around. Moreover, everyone we talk to remains intent to inform us how ‘lucky’ we are, how ‘they would do this if they could’. But I know now that those statements are just excuses. None of this is luck, or circumstance, or wealth, or any other excuse we’ve heard from people. The reason more people don’t do this is simply because the sacrifice of abandoning your life is just too significant.

And we are in the process of doing just that. Right now.

I know I’ve written on this subject before, but the impact of these ‘you’re so lucky’ statements is much heavier now than it was last fall. It borders on offensive… just for a second… it stings a bit. We are giving away everything we’ve ever owned, we’re moving out of our home, we’ve spent the last two years constantly living on a terribly strict budget. The common reactions can pierce more than they used to.

I know that these statements are not meant to offend. When I hear them, it takes me no time to remember what that perspective was like. That was who I was before this trip. I was constantly believing that the really amazing stuff out there just didn’t happen to someone like me. And perhaps that is somewhat true, but no longer will that be due to something I didn’t do.

I am proud of this major step because it solidifies the ‘leap of faith’ we’re taking. I remain focused on our goal and entirely resolved on the decision we made. But looking around our empty home today, I couldn’t help but feel a gust of searing panic run through my stomach, up into my head and across my lips…

“Dave? I’m scared… “

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